Zeno's Paradox, Overconfidence Anxiety, and Writing

Two thousand years ago in Ancient Greece, this philosopher named Zeno of Elea decided that true motion is impossible because once you make it halfway to your destination, there's always another halfway to go. According to this line of logic, which is now known as Zeno's Paradox, we all remain completely alone forever, never touching, never achieving anything.

So why was Zeno so depressed? I don't know. This was two thousand years ago. Maybe he wanted an ego-soothing explanation as to why some teenaged girl refused his hand in marriage. She's just not into you, bro!

But I can't totally blame Zeno, not when my brain so often operates within the parameters of the same paradox. For instance, last weekend I reached the halfway point in the novel I'm drafting. Five months ago there were no words in the document, now there are 70k. Five months from now there will be another 70k. By the end of this year the novel will be on submission. I'm right on schedule. Ahead of schedule. This is cause for celebration...

Yet I've been paralyzed by anxiety for the past three days.

I've cried and I've paced. I've pulled out numerous hair follicles running my hands through my hair. I've stared at the ceiling tallying all the reasons why I'll never complete the novel, never be published, never succeed...

It's a poor idea, putting all this in writing. Utterly at odds with the "positive manifestation" my sisters are always yammering so sagely about. Maybe I ought to knock on wood. Have you opened "The Fireplace" tab? Is the fire crackling yet?

Just imagine me tapping my knuckles on the mantelpiece if it is.

Anyway. So why do I feel this way?

Well Zeno described his paradox in terms of the Greek hero Achilles being unable to catch up to this tortoise he's chasing. Basically, no matter how fast Achilles runs, the tortoise never stops moving, thus trapping Achilles in Zeno's proposed infinite "halfway."

If you squint your eyes and tilt your head exactly 46.7°, this illustration looks an awful lot like Aesop's infamous "The Tortoise and the Hare" fable, which teaches kids not to get cocky because "slow and steady wins the race." I won't insult your intelligence by reiterating the story, but in this fable the hare operates much the same as Achilles and, likewise, much the same as my brain.

While writing, my brain often confuses writing well with writing quickly. I start believing that by not writing "fast enough" I'll never catch up to the writers I love, never match up to my classmates. I'll forever be chasing the "tortoise" that is publishing a book. Because of this conviction I'm terrified of becoming cocky, but then my fear of becoming cocky paralyzes me anyway, further convincing my brain that I am indeed incapable of writing quickly enough. I'm sure there's a medical term for this vicious cycle, and if you know what it is then feel free to comment, but I personally refer to it as "Overconfidence Anxiety."

Here's how I described Overconfidence Anxiety to the guy I went out with recently. He started on that mundane complaint that he wishes he didn't procrastinate so much because being productive always gives him a "thrill" blah blah blah, and I replied that, "My problem is that I'm productive pretty much all the time, but my brain believes that constant productivity is the norm, so no matter how productive I am I feel no 'thrill', because my brain just tells me I ought to have managed more."

To put it in terms of Zeno's Paradox, I'm forever halfway to victory, because the second I pause to appreciate my victories my brain fears it's growing cocky which means I'll stop writing quickly, so like Achilles I keep running, only seeing my writing's flaws, until I inevitably become paralyzed by the task of fixing them all...

One of my favorite authors, V. E. Schwab, often uses her Instagram to talk about how she also struggles with this flavor of anxiety. Each day, she combats her insecurities by reminding herself to just take the writing, "One word at a time." No matter how slow you go, she reminds herself, if you are writing steadily, you will finish the novel. You will catch your tortoise. You will achieve your goal.

Zeno's Paradox was solved by a bunch of complicated math and physics, but the gist of it comes down to Newton's First Law of Motion, which holds that an object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.

Unless I allow my Overconfidence Anxiety to paralyze me at this first halfway, the infinite halfway Zeno came up with two thousand years ago will eventually shrink into irrelevance. The tortoise of publishing never stops moving but neither do I...

So enjoy The Fireplace. I'm off to write the second half of my novel...and the third half...and the fourth half...and the fifth... And whenever I start spiraling like that, I'll remind myself:

Success is inevitable for those who won't stop.

-

That said, emotions are illogical and I'm sure my brain will still find ways to paralyze itself, so what about you? Do you have any tips, any tricks? Even exclamations of understanding would help. So if any of this is you, comment below.